May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
