just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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