it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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