i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
