a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
