we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
