I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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