Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
