my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize