just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
