She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
