Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
