some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
