It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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