thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
