I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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