Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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