Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
