he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize