i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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