Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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