At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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