its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
