Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
