I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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