so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I FOUND THE LEGS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
