whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
