before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
