There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
