It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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