she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize