i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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