I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
