dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize