saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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