Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
