yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
