Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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