Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
