i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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