i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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