I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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