In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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