All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We need to get me chipped asap
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
