I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
