so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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