Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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