talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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