Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
