whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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