Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
