your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
