So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
