i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
