It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
