After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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