Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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