Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
