remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
