Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
