her facebook's as public as her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
