A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize