OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
