My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
