I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
