he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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