it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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