Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
