I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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