I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
