no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
