Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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