Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
