You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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