Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize