Your face is a jimmy john
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
