Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
