fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
