I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize