i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
