I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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