You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
