I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
