Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
