Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
