So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
