My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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