we're chasing vodka with high fives
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
