Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
