why didn't you poke me back
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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