And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
