So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
