dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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