Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
