you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
