she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
